You’ve Got To Have More Children

No, not the catch cry of a fundamentalist religious zealot, but the conversation starter that fairly much ruined my day.

“She’s 16 months old, are you having number two soon?”

“Well why not? You can’t just have one. All kids need a sibling.”

“Yeah but she’s healthy and so are you. You need to move past what happened.”

Yeah. Seriously. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Even after telling her my story (which you can read here) she still kept on about how I need to have more kids. I suggested that we could foster or adopt and was scoffed at.

“No! You must have your own children!”

The problem with pregnancy and birth, is that everyone has an opinion. Everyone becomes a coffee table obstetrician. Their anecdotal experiences become legend and therefore the only information necessary. The only correct information out there.

I wonder if this is how it feels for women who know they can not have anymore children. Those who have been afflicted with illness or emergency conditions rendering them unable to have more. My ovaries are fine. My uterus is fine. My brain, not so much.

Oh how I get clucky. I see a delicious little newborn, all wrapped up in a bunny rug, or nestling in his mothers breasts whilst being worn in a wrap. I hear that little whisper in the back of my head saying “Baby! Baby! Baby!” Yet I feel compelled to suppress. How could I possibly, knowingly put myself through it again? The risk of the known happening is far too much for me to contemplate.

So while today the Beast has been quietly lurking, I can’t blame my anger and sadness on him today. I’m laying blame solely on this one woman, who while I know meant well, really should have just shut up when I told her my deeply personal story of what happened.

I hate having a story. I just want to feel normal.

Until next time xx


Linking up with PANDA for this blog post. November 18 – 24, 2012 is PND Awareness Week

Post natal depression doesn’t only affect mums, but entire families. Dads can also be diagnosed with PND.

For more help, please see my welcome page or visit

Beyond Blue

TABS A great website that no longer posts new information, but has wonderful archived information.

Lifeline (Australian residents only:) 131114

Or in case of emergency (Australian residents only): 000


14 thoughts on “You’ve Got To Have More Children

  1. Thanks xx

    I spoke with my husband again this morning about it and he said to me that because Missy is coming up to 18 months old, I’m probably going to get this question a whole lot more now. So I’m going to ask my psychologist what to do when this happens. One of my friends in a private group on FB told me to tell them to “go away” but substituted ‘go’ with a popular F word and ‘away’ with ‘off’. If only it were that easy to be so rude.

    I was so angry last night. I was angry with myself and angry with that woman and sad that I’m still affected. Sad that my life feels on hold. Yesterday was mine and my husband’s 10th anniversary (of our first date) and the day just didn’t hold anything really nice. We’d always talked about going away for some us time. However that couldn’t happen.

    I’m a bit of a mix of emotions and the flashbacks are back today.

  2. My goodness, the comment that you shouldn’t foster or adopt because they wouldn’t be “your own” children – how bloody offensive! Disgusting. You are your own person and your own family and you don’t have to abide by anyone else’s rules. Idiots need to realise that all the siblings in the world can’t replace a healthy, happy mother, you have to take care of #1.

  3. People are so appalling. (And I know I asked you the same question at coffee, which I apologise for. I guess it wasn’t to see if you were thinking of one, but to see how you were feeling now, given everything that happened. I guess I was trying to gauge “where you at”, so to speak, and by your reaction, I knew immediately it was still tough.)

    As for that comment she gave about fosters and adoptees… oh ffs.

  4. Oh gosh I’m sorry too. She sounds like my mother. (I love my mum, but geeeez!!) So many people lack the essential filter between brain and mouth. So sorry you are having to cop this. I hope Sarah has some good advice. Hugs.

  5. “I wonder if this is how it feels for women who know they can not have anymore children. Those who have been afflicted with illness or emergency conditions rendering them unable to have more”

    It sucks. More then a dozen pregnancies and no live births. I have step children that my family says doesn’t count as having kids. Try answering “when its time” when asked when you will have more children

  6. I’m sorry to read about your experience and hope that with time you will come to love and appreciate a “new normal” in life.
    I suffered from PND after my 2nd planned baby and had a third little miracle who was unplanned only 20 months later… While recovering from a caesarean, and needing and finally being confident to ASK for help, my mother commented to me that I shouldn’t have had him if its so difficult to cope… A stranger in the shops asked me how I was coping with 3 littlies and my mother replied “she isn’t!”.
    I understand where you’re at and your new normal will come, eventually.

    • Thank you for sharing. It’s so sad to think that so many of us are affected at some point but that PND as a topic (even less so for PTSD) remains such a taboo. I’m glad you came through the other side ok. Xx

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