Feeling Guilty

My current body image sucks. After coming through from the other side of PTSD and PND (even though I’m not better yet, I just cope better with the flashbacks), I look at myself much more critically than I did in months gone by.

I’ve never been a small person. By small, I mean size 8. I was always a 10-12 without trying. Since having my thyroid go underactive and having the baby, I’ve been a size 14-16 and well, I hate it.

When sickest with my PTSD, I couldn’t cook. So healthy meal options didn’t happen. Now I’m paying for that.

Since coming home from Canberra , I’ve been eating really well and exercising. Today though, I blew it. I ate a quarter pounder burger from McDonalds. I was standing there in McDonalds, consciously making the decision to buy and eat all those disgusting calories. Knowing that in all likelihood, I’d get to my destination today and not be able to exercise. I was right. It was 35 degrees and a storm was blowing in. I couldn’t take my daughter out in that heat. She’d get sunburned.

Talking to my husband tonight, he was saying to me that he doesn’t want me to feel guilty about eating food. It’s not that I’m hating myself for being ‘fat’, but more hating the conscious decision to put that processed and all nutrient sucked out of it, food into my body.

I’m turning 30 in two and a bit months. If I don’t get serious now, I’ll be turning 40 and being diagnosed with diabetes. Or turning 50 and having a heart attack from high cholesterol.

So I bought a treadmill. I want to use it every day. No excuses not to walk or run. I will be able to use it any time.

Also, talked about getting another psychologist today too. I read on twitter the other week a man has had PTSD for 58 years. I can’t have it for 58 years. I won’t be able to live with it for that long.

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4 thoughts on “Feeling Guilty

  1. One of the things that I have learned over the years is to give into the cravings once in a while. If you don’t you may find yourself going over board when you do. I will try to fight my cravings but if they last more then a day I will give into them now. The last time I fought it for a week I basically ate a whole pizza by myself in one sitting. 😦

    • That’s exactly what I do. I scraped the Nutella jar empty yesterday. Thank goodness there was barely any left in the jar. I’ve had my period & just needed sugar. It’s hard to stay strong, harder to know when to give into the cravings. I’ll get there πŸ™‚

  2. Body image is something I’ve been dealing with as well. Don’t be so hard on yourself about one slip up. It happens, just learn from it an move on.

    A friend of mine said something to me that has stuck with me, and I’m striving to follow is, “don’t hate away the fat, instead learn to love your body by nourishing it properly.”

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