**Contains details of my birth which may cause triggers for birth trauma**
Today I read a very honest blog from another mama who is hurting.
She then was getting absolutely crucified by another bunch of mothers on the internet because they disagreed with her feelings and thoughts.
For me, my blog is about me and nobody else. I post in the hope that another mother (or father) who is hurting, may feel they relate to me and know they’re not alone. This is why I also post links to organisations that can help in the recovery and healing from PND/PPD, AND and PTSD relating to birth trauma.
Please don’t isolate parents (or anyone) for experiencing trauma. A person who is in a plane crash or sees war, would never be told to snap out of it. ‘Snapping out of it’ is absolutely no where near as easy as one may think.
Distress is distress, no matter the cause.
I feel I need to make clear that I don’t blame my obstetrician. I know that in my case, I’m one of the small percentage of women who have a spinal anaesthesia that doesn’t work properly or as effectively as it may work on another person.
Just because I can’t blame him and I don’t want to blame him, doesn’t mean I’m not angry or traumatised that it happened. He doesn’t know that I could also see my surgery. Some may say I should have spoken up. In that situation on that day, I couldn’t speak. I was in shock and in silence. I’m pretty sure he’d be horrified if he knew, because he’s a decent and wonderful man.
It had been ten years since I as a student nurse had witnessed a Caesarean section, so I’m not remembering that ladies surgery when I think of mine. I’m remembering in vivid colour seeing my legs splayed and seeing my insides. I’m remembering with vivid detail, the catheter being inserted and the vivid sensation of the betadine being rubbed on my belly. The fear I felt when isolated after the baby was born and taken away, while everyone was celebrating, I was left alone to watch my surgery, strapped to the operating table. Not even the theatre nurse was there to talk to.
My blog is my voice. Just like another persons blog is theirs.
You may disagree, but please have the decency to understand. Please have the empathy to know that even though you don’t think it’s a traumatising event, that person is very obviously traumatised by what happened, no matter the event.
I’m still not on Facebook (except for my page for this blog). Having a hiatus away from the birth notices and the countdowns to delivery, is just what I needed to keep The Beast at bay.
Until next time xx